Honor

5-8-2009

My wife and I run a select baseball organization for kids; needless to say, we meet a lot of kids! Last night we were discussing the different parenting types and noticed a common trend. The parents that emphasized the importance of manners, respect, discipline, typically have well behaved kids. These kids typically make great grades and are a joy to coach. On the flip side, the kids that tend to parent their parents tend to struggle a little more in school than the former, and they tend to show signs of disrespect to their coaches, peers, teachers, etc. Generally there are exceptions to every situation, but I did find it interesting as Haley and I discussed this issue how these same kids grow up and tend to act the same way.

Having coached for over ten years, I’ve been able to watch some of my former players get married, and some have their own kids now. I’ve been blessed to have coached some amazing kids from some amazing families, but the discouraging reality is finding great kids and great parents tends to get harder and harder. As an organization, we tend to recruit parents first, and then see if the child is a good player. We love working with the kids, and if there is a problem, nearly 100% of the time it’s the parent not the kid. If you want to know if a kid is going to be a problem, get to know the parent. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Again, there are exceptions, but documentation beats conversation.

Paul shines some light on the children and parent role starting in Ephesians chapter 6. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother-which is the first commandment with a promise-that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” As I read about parenting in the bible, there is a common theme mentioned repeatedly; honor and respect. There is a difference between obeying and honoring. If you obey your parents, coach, or teacher, you are simply doing what you are told to do. To honor your parents, is to respect and love them. You may not agree with them, as I know there have been many times I have had disagreements with my parents, but we are called to honor them.

As a coach, one of the greatest compliments in the world is to know your players honor you. I don’t ever want to be the coach that the players simply obey. I pray that I can pour into them selflessly to the point where they love and respect me despite the fact they aren’t going to like everything I do. Players don’t like being disciplined, but it needs to be done. With 22 teams in our program, we have a lot of coaches, and one of the first things I tell our coaches is we aren’t coaching to be the players friend. You cannot be a great coach and be their friend, as you will lose their respect. You are a person of authority, and you must never cross that line. I believe there is a parallel with coaching and parenting. This is just my opinion, but I feel too many parents are more concerned with being their child’s friend, than being their parent. There is a time when the role sort of changes and you develop a great friendship with your child as they become an adult. The players that have graduated through our program are now friends of mine, but when they played for me, I wasn’t their friend, I was their coach. Tough love is hard, but it is right. Every parent I know agrees parenting can be difficult at times. Every coach I know will tell you coaching is difficult at times. In the end it’s all worth it!

Too all of you that have influence in a child’s life teach them to honor their parents, grandparents, and other people of influence. Help them to understand the difference between obeying and honoring, and when they disrespect anyone of influence, put a stop to it immediately, and one of the best ways to do so is through your actions and words. Take up issues with people of authority and influence privately, and never downplay the role of an authority figure. Christ has called us to respect our elders, people of authority, parents, etc. Let’s do a better job of relaying Christ’s message to our youth.

Application:
1. Read Ephesians chapter 6.
2. Teach someone the importance of honor.
3. Make sure to honor your significant other!